Congratulations, you've decided that enough is enough. Now what? Leaving the RCC may not be easy, but it is just the first step. If you're as mad as we are about "Pope" Ratzinger, you're probably ready to move to a new religion.

Finding a new religion can be difficult, however. A lot of Catholics don’t know that there are many other churches where they might fit in even better than they do in the RCC. If you find the thought an infallible Ratzinger unbearable, check out this sampling of Christian denominations to help get you started. Each religion is followed by a brief description and an official Not My Pope rating.


Roman Catholicism
The One True and Apostolic Church, Roman Catholicism is the closest church to our Savior, Jesus Christ. But Anti-Pope Benedict XVI is destroying the Church from the inside out!

4.5 crosses out of 5


Anglican
King Henry VIII of England split off from the Roman Catholic Church in his quest for a male heir. Like the RCC, Anglicans have bishops and a hierarchical power system. Anglican churches are interdependent and share resources with one another. So don’t expect your normal suburban mini-cathedral. Some of these churches can be really cramped.

3 crosses out of 5


Episcopalian
The Episcopal Church was founded in American during the Revolutionary War. It’s the most American alternative to the RCC, with over ¼ of all US Presidents having been members. Like the Anglican Church, the American Episcopalians have bishops and a very familiar church hierarchy. Warning! The Episcopal Church is fairly unstable right now because of gay bishops and lady priests. But it’s still the closest thing there is to the RCC as long as Ratzinger keeps his stranglehold on our collective faith!

4 crosses out of 5


Baptist
Praise Jesus! Baptists believe that people can be saved through accepting Jesus into their lives. Each Baptist service includes a call for those wishing to be saved to come forth and accept Jesus into their lives. So you could even join on your first visit! Modern American Baptist churches emphasize community. You can expect much rowdier services instead of the normal mumble singing. And forget old lady Jessup on the organ. Instead, come to see electric guitar playing longhairs rocking it out for the Lord. Watch out, though! Many Baptist churches are sham operations conducted by charismatic preachers who only wish to corrupt the loving message of Jesus for financial and political gain. And that’s just unacceptable for a Catholic.

2 crosses out of 5


Amish
Don’t you just hate it when your cell phone at the absolute worst moment? Or are you the type of person who doesn’t like to get their picture taken? Amish are exempt from Social Security, being drafted and many more big government projects gone awry. But they still have to pay taxes and sometimes vote. If you convert, expect to sell most of what you own and get back in touch with the simple life. You can even learn new skills like quilting, wood working and livestock husbandry.

2 crosses out of 5


Lutheran
The original branch to break off from the RCC. Lutherans believe that Jesus is truly present in the Sacrament of the Altar and engage in historical study of the Bible, unable to accept it as the true word of God. Lutheran services, like Episcopalian services, would be pretty familiar to a converting Catholic, but then again, without Lutherans making it so trendy to break off from the Church, the RCC would never have come to a point where it elected Ratzinger in the first place.

0 crosses out of 5


Christian Scientists
Are you already pretty healthy? Christian Science might be the ticket for you. Christian Scientists don’t believe in using modern medicine. The church is ruled by a Board of Directors in which successors are chosen by appointment. Christian Scientists are considering changing that system and open up voting to the public because their APPOINTED board has been making expensive and backward moving mistakes. Sounds like a Board full of little Ratzingers. Also, don’t confuse Christian Scientists with Scientologists. Those people are a cult.

1 crosses out of 5


Presbyterian
These churches have a somewhat messy organizational structure. Elders elected by the congregation to deal with church business. Other elected groups help the poor and sick in the community. A presbytery coordinates ministers going from church to church and then there’s something called a synod. I’m not sure how you even pronounce it, but, it gets pretty complicated from there.

2 crosses out of 5


Quakers
Quakers are pacifists, so if you’re worried about a draft, converting now couldn’t hurt. They have silent prayer sessions, although individual members can stand up and talk during these services. Quakers have no creeds or doctrine. Also, they refer to one another as “thee” and object to the Roman origins of the days of the week. But don’t convert unless you’re literally willing to turn the other cheek when someone smacks thee across the brow in a bar fight on “Sixth Day” night.

3 crosses out of 5


Seventh-Day Adventists
For this group, Saturdays are the Sabbath. Adventists believe there is no current afterlife, but that one will be created after the Second Coming. Meat lovers should shy away from this church since members are urged to be vegetarians. Adventists believe in an imminent Armageddon and have actually missed a few prophesized Doomsdays in the past. With a weak track record and a permanent Good Friday for meat, Adventism isn’t recommended.

1 crosses out of 5


Unitarian
A religion for Doubting Thomases, Unitarians deny the holy trinity because they believe Jesus was only a man who achieved immortality. Unitarians consider themselves freethinkers and dissenters. The Unitarian Church is spiritually dead because God is not present except in the omnipresent nature of His being. Their beliefs are tantamount to heresy. Ratzinger probably loves Unitarians.

0 crosses out of 5